Mr. Bubble

This may seem silly but this is like one of the dream items I've always ALWAYS wanted. And without a good bit of reconstruction it won't fit into my possible new bathroom. *sigh*

Aw look she's sad. Go choke emo kid.

.

I've bitten my lips raw. I can't help that shit.

Hey listen to this ok?


This set actually turned out pretty awesome, I think anyways. Usually red lipstick makes me look like a fucking idiot. Or a whore. Take your pick.

just not how its done

Saturday 5 or 6 AM at an ihop in SF.

Me: I believe in fortune cookies...
S: They (the cookies) are about to die (be eaten) why tell the truth?
Me: A moment of clarity before death.


I'm that idiot that hopes for the best in everything.

I like ridiculous things.

So basically....

I would like to spend the day riding around in these





Then drive home in this





And go to sleep on this

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living; it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.

Generally I'm pretty open to talking about everything. I'm never quite sure I'm going to wake up in the morning so why not? But there are a handful of things I've bitten my tongue on. And it's not a matter of having the courage it's a matter of knowing what's the best thing to do. Not necessarily for myself but for everyone. And well duh I'm not going to talk about them here.

Here's a little piece of WTF:

You know a few years ago I saw a picture of my (at the time) boyfriends mother naked. In a very glamour-esqe shot too. And you know what? She was fucking hot. Like to a level that I will never in my life ever be able to achieve. Do you know how depressing it was to know that? And how awkward it was every time I saw her after that? I remember someone telling me maybe he likes you because you're more homely looking. Yea. That cheered me up.

Little things

I bake to relieve stress.
I sing lullabies at night before bed.
I always wake up at 7 am.
My brain kicks in at about 11 am.
I sew to meditate.
I bite the inside of my mouth.
I think I've started to get a handle on things.
I'd still like to sleep for 4 1/2 days.

On top of not being dead I'm also not pregnant

Title says it all doesn't it.

Little tumbles. I'd call them.
Oh period you finally came 2 days ago 2 days earlier and you would've spared me the headache. Those two days that my body went insane. Dizziness, nausea, headache, stomach ache, every time I stood up to move I thought I was going to crumple up and turn to dust. I was relieved to find out it was a concussion, slightly stressed, but over all relieved. Do you want to know why? Because as I was laying outside while my mother worked on her refinishing project she said I must be pregnant. Oh... what?! My list of ailments were clear signs of pregnancy to her and all I could do was sputter nonsense and say "noooo...no way, ...really?" And her look of disappointment in me reached deep down into my soul and strangled the hell out of it. To my parents I have never had sex, I have never let a boy get near my naughty bits, & I will abstain until married. They aren't religious, just insane. Her first question was "well did you tell your father?" ...buh? Well... I DIDN'T EVEN THINK I WAS PREGNANT UNTIL YOU BROUGHT IT UP 5 SECONDS AGO SO NO I HAVEN'T. *cough* So I told her to shush and that I was going to trek up to Longs Drugs and buy myself a stick to pee on.

There is no real way to disguise buying a pregnancy test. I shouldn't anyways but I look like I'm 14 and dressed (at the time) like I'm on my way to an Easter egg hunt. So I bought a pregnancy test and a 2 liter bottle of coke. Subtle. As I walked back home, chugging down my soda, I thanked the gods that there were no middle schoolers walking home because their noise would surely drive me to the breaking point and I would tackle them into the street. I'm not joking.

So ok let's go, pee on the stick time. This on it's own was kind of funny to me and was the last time I had to do this. I have the belief I must have some kind of bladder infection because I have to pee... a lot. Often. Too much. I think I've gotten up to pee halfway through writing this. So there I was and... I couldn't pee. Oh come on. Omg foreign object we're shutting down the plumbing! It took 5 minutes of eternity. 5 WHOLE MINUTES.

And then came the big wave of relief when I saw I wasn't pregnant. How one little pink line can make a person so happy. Yet there was this tiny little twinge in me that said "aw man". The relief of course outweighed this feeling but it was still there. Because it's kind of like my superpower has failed me. Though I wasn't asking it to work anyways. And when I thought it did previously I almost lost all sanity and bit the hell out of my cheek not to sob on the Bart train and frighten the little asian woman sitting next to me. I guess within the panic you can't help but see those 3 seconds of possible awesomeness and smile.

And yes I call it a superpower because hey see my stomach? Yea, I can grow people in there. Top that.

Rest is for the week

Supposedly I have a concussion. There is no real way to just get rid of it besides just resting. What what what? I really don't wanna be resting I want to be working. The trouble is that this is effecting my works. I get tired, dizzy, nauseous, and am forced to lay down. Shit.

In other news I'm kinda excited about the art school thing on Saturday but I know art schools. Lets put on a show and try to tell you your life savings plus $50k (or some fucking crazy amount) are just droplets in the pond of wealth you'll be making after you graduate. Hi my name's Redd I'll be taking your senior pictures. I'm not trying to be a pessimist I just don't look forward to the money situation that will surely come up.

I have beautiful lips.
I have a damn awesome hourglass figure.
Yet. I feel damn ugly.

Oddities

I've lost my best friend. We've hit the skids before and yes I know the whole "oh you guys have been friends since forever just kiss and make up already." This time it's very different. This time I really needed him to be there for me, to really take my side. I didn't expect him to do the exact opposite. I thought after I explained to him how serious I was he'd understand. I've been crying every other night for the past 2 months, my happy face is wearing paper thin, I really need a helping hand here. I've listened and tolerated him saying a lot of dumb things but saying I'm the cause of all of this is just fucking stupid. So that's it. As much as it hurts I am done.

I feel alone.

Rhythm Section Want Ad

Allow me my frustration. Don't mind the burnt tongue on the train this morning. I needed the nap in silence, away from the constant dripping of an aquarium. Away from a yowling bulimic cat. I'm not one who naps very much or ever really. I can take about 2 hrs a night and still function decently. 6 good hours of sleep.

I went through a dead lady's things. I remember her face, I don't remember her name.

I got behind the wheel of a car and went a whopping 20 mph. I didn't feel as tiny as I thought I would. Though I have to adjust the seat. Just God jabbing me in the spine again reminding me of my height. I didn't crash into a pole or back up into a ditch. I also learned men on pocket bikes are the most ridiculous thing. Especially when they have serious faces.

Next Saturday is an open house to an art school I'm slightly interested in. I'm bright eyed and naive, I will listen to everything you say.

Have you ever punched yourself in the jaw? It's interesting.